My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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