her vagine was all disorganized.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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