I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
