I wish my penis had an off switch
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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