i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize