You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
