Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
