Yo dont text me then not text me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
