i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
