I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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