why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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