Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
