So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
