If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
