does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
