i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
