If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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