so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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