Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
