I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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