So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
