you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
