He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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