Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
