There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize