I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
