i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
