so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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