i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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