this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
