is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
