You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
