I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
