his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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