so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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