just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
