a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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