I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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