I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
