he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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