I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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