it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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