why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
