Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
