Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
