You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
