there's paper in my vomit.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
