You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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