U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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