I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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