Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
