We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
