Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize