Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
