"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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