WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
