Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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