So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
