why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
sarcasm needs its own font
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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