I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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