i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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