I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
