i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
