I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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