JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
