Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
