? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
