Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
