I have demons in me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
