if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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