I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
