I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
