I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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