There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize