we're blogging at a bar
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
