By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
