1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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