I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
