My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
