Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
