Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
