Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
