Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
