it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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