How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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