After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
