when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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