Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
