he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize