You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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